This is Me

Still Able to Dream

This is a summary of my story.

First of all, I want to tell say that I won’t be able to write anything anymore.

In December 2013 I sent my application documents for university. On the 9^th of January 2014 I got a mail that the University for Applied Arts in Vienna refused my application, it’s not like that it was my dream to study literature there and keep on writing my stories and also work for a magazine. 

Well … sh*t happens.

Okay, let’s go back to start:

My name is not that important, I’m 20 years old and the youngest of three children. We’re not poor but our financial position could be better, I mean, my life is a catastrophe but still better than the lives of most of earth’s population, so I don’t have the right to complain about it. But that’s not the matter.

My mother always tried to educate us to responsible and honest people and she did well. I don’t want to tell you anything about my father because I don’t want to think about this man, he isn’t worth to waste any thoughts for him.

I grew up as a creative child with a little bit madness in her veins. At the age of 14 years I made a huge mistake. I chose a higher educational school for tourism for my further education. This school was such anti-creative that every single day that passed I got a bit more insecure and depressed about my choice and with these two feelings the madness in my head raised. I really felt like I was caught in a cage. But there was also my damn pride that didn’t allow me to change the school, because I wanted to finish the path I chose. And there was also another problem: We couldn’t afford the school.

Within these five years I nearly lost my creativity. Five years full of false people, spoiled rich kids, strange teachers and suicide supporting subjects nearly made me losing my mind.

In June 2013 I got my diploma. Finally I was free. This freedom went just a few weeks. I started to work, because before entering university I wanted to take a year off to go working and save a bit money. I got caught again.

And then, in December I got my chance to escape again. I tried my best for the application text for university because this would be my breakout of this prison.

But the application jury – my former heroes – became the villains in this story.

Writing was my only escape out of this reality. You might think that my life doesn’t seem much bad but there are a few things I’ll tell you in the future if I’m ready to write about it. I really don’t want to live here anymore. Always the same places, always the same people, this is making me sick.

I never thought that one simple refusal would destroy my whole personality. It made me lose my creativity, motivation and I forgot how to look different at the world around me. I got blind for the magic that surrounds me, I know it’s there but I can’t see it anymore, I can’t feel it anymore. This also makes me mad because I lost the most important contents of myself. 

The only thing which still gives me a spark of hope is the case that 

I’m still able to dream.

Thank you all a lot for the time you took for me.

Kisses, your RoseBewii